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The baby seat will go in the Mazda without issue and there’s a booster seat in there for Finn. The only problem with the swap is getting the Mountain Buggy into the Mazda’s boot. It fits. Just. With a bit of pushing and shoving. It’s also getting a bit crotchety in its old age and doesn’t take kindly to repeated folding and unfolding. Wrestling it in and out of the Ford can be quite a hassle. The prospect of getting it in and out of the Mazda is likely to make me even more housebound than I currently am.

We decided (well, I decided and Mark had the good sense to agree…) that an inexpensive lightweight stroller was needed. We do have one already but it’s intended for older kids and Leila won’t be able to use it for some months. I did a bit of research and found that there wasn’t a whole lot available at the cheaper end of the spectrum suitable for a little bub (ie. reclining). Undeterred, we headed off to the baby shop to have a look at what they had.

We found this one, which I hadn’t noticed while I was researching and bought it. It’s cheap, but seems to be pretty good quality. It folds quite a bit smaller than the Mountain Buggy and I think it’s a bit lighter. We might even be able to put Finn’s skateboard on it. And it’s a pretty blue as well.

So she thought that if she curled herself into a tiny little ball and looked really sheepish she’d get away with it.

She was right.

Leila wants … well, she doesn’t know what she wants, but her grizzling indicates that she wants something and I’m the one who should be supplying it.

Finn wants:
me to turn off the computer in a different way
his seat back on the toilet
something from his Thomas box
something different on the TV
to sit on my lap
to get off my lap

Cosmo wants me to let him out, then let him in, then let him out again.

Zelda wants somebody to open the door NOW! Oh, no she doesn’t … yes she does … no she doesn’t …

I would like to EAT MY BLOODY BREAKFAST BEFORE I STARVE TO DEATH!!!!

… and at some point do you think I could have a moment to get out of my pjs and put on some clothes please?

Aren’t they gorgeous?

I thought it happened when one finished breast feeding. I was wrong. I read recently that it happens at some point after the baby is born. It might 3 months. Or six months. Just any time it damn well feels like falling out. And mine feels like it now.

If last time is anything to go on, some time in the next couple of weeks I’ll start to look like I’m going bald. That’s when I’ll get my hair cut short. It’ll have to stay short for a few months until the regrowth gets past the point where it sticks up like a brush.

I’ll miss my hair. I like having longer hair. I like having thick hair. I feel like I’ve only just finished growing out the post-surgery haircut, even though surgery was 2 years ago (on the Friday just gone, actually). And now I’ve got another year or so of growing out the post-baby hair loss ahead of me. By the time I’m done Leila might even have a decent amount of hair.

It seems that my days at home with Finn & Leila are either really good or quite bad. It doesn’t help that today’s weather has kept us indoors a bit. I also think that Finn might have a touch of the cold I’ve had for the last few days. He’s a bit tired and grouchy and more prone to tears than he usually is. So I’ve given up on achieving anything today.

Leila is asleep (fingers crossed that she’s stays that way for a while). Finn is sort of watching Stuart Little. I’m going to grab my knitting and join him for a while.

Sign ups for Wardrobe Refashion are open again.

I had thought I would sign up this time, but I don’t feel sufficiently in control or organised yet to take it on. I need to get Miss Leila into a reasonably predictable routine before I take on much in the way of commitments. I’ve started selling stuff on Ebay. That and trying to get my house in order are enough for now I think.

But I reckon there are lots of people out there who should sign up – Helen & Jojof, for example. You’re both very clever people Aside from being a bit of fun the refashion movement serves a greater goal in encouraging people to make their own clothes from scratch or recycle old ones, rather than buying new and perpetuating the cycle of waste.

I still plan to sign up when life is a bit more settled. Of course, that could be years away, but my intentions are good…

Now that I’ve had 4 Mothers Days as a mother myself I’m starting to see it in a new light. It’s not that I get spoiled. I’m pretty spoiled for the rest of the year anyway. And in years to come I’m sure I’ll get very sick of the dodgy childcare/kinder/school made presents that I’ll be required to accept with rapture.

Mothers Day, for me, is an opportunity to think about why I chose to be a mum. I wasn’t always going to do this. For a very long time I was never, ever going to have children. Then, 5 or 6 years ago, I (with Mark) made an explicit choice to become a parent. I didn’t have to. Neither of my pregnancies were unplanned or unwanted. I had a range of options I could have explored. I chose this.

This is what I remember when I don’t want to get out of bed in the middle of the night or early in the morning. It’s what I tell myself when I resent having to wipe a bottom or clean up another ‘accident’. This is the life I chose. And – good, bad or indifferent – it is what I make it.

I can’t articulate why I made this choice. We tell people that we decided that we would be more likely to regret not having children, than to regret having them. But I’m not sure I can explain why that would be. One thing I do know, though, is that I wouldn’t change my lot for the world.

Call me selfish – you wouldn’t be the first or last – but I wouldn’t want to miss a minute of Finn’s and Leila’s lives. I want to be a part of the adventure that they are on. And I’m so very glad that I am.